You can listen to this episode, or read the transcript below.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:00:03] Hi, everyone, and welcome to the Sandwich Generation Squeeze (SGS) real conversations to support the generation squeezed between caring for children and aging parents. I’m Dr. Dianne Kraaijvanger, a Licensed Psychologist.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:00:14] And I’m Cris Roskelley, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:00:18] We are supported by Freshly a great meal delivery service that offers healthy, gluten-free, chef prepared meals delivered right to your door.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:00:25] So one of the reasons we wanted to do this podcast is really to demystify the therapy process and make getting support for common concerns a bit more accessible for people. There’s such a need for the sandwich Generation to have more support. So today we’re going to talk a little bit about a subject we hear a lot about from clients and friends, sex during the Sandwich Generation Squeeze (SGS). So let’s talk about sex, baby.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:00:54] That’s right. You know, I think that this is a subject for some people that is taboo. People don’t talk about it as much. And even when Cris and I were talking about our research, right Cris, there wasn’t much out there. When you Google “sex and sandwich generation, stress, caregiver stress”, a lot comes up for the older adult population and trying to have sex when one is a caregiver. So if a parent is a caregiver to another parent, so to speak, but not for our population that we’re talking about. Which are the people who are caring both for their aging parents and for their children.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:01:32] So that’s why…it’s really not talked about and it’s not talked about really among friends even. So it’s important to kind of pull back the curtain and talk about what so many in the Sandwich Generation Squeeze are experiencing right now.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:01:46] Yeah, and we went back and forth, like, should we bring this up episode two and kind of come out of the gates whether we should do this or not. So even for us, even as therapists, we certainly talk about it with clients in our office. But it was something that we were even kind of tentative of like, OK, is this something that our listeners will want to hear? And then what we kind of thought about is, yeah, this is what clients are talking about and this is what is a reoccurring theme and topic that comes up in our offices.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:02:17] So we’re going for it. Yeah, we think it’s important. And so to talk a little bit about what those in the Sandwich Generation Squeeze (SGS) are experiencing, let’s just kind of, you know, do a list of what we hear people saying. We hear people saying they’re too exhausted. They just don’t have the energy. They don’t have any privacy. You know, they’re young kids are around or maybe their parents are living with them or they just don’t feel like a sexy woman anymore. And, you know, perimenopause or menopause really plays into that.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:02:50] Yeah. Yeah. Also, lack of sex drive and motivation, beliefs and values even, like where they are in this phase of life. Menopause in a big one. That we hear a lot is that it’s hard to switch modes, modes from that caregiving role to that being a lover, being a partner and being intimate.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:03:09] Yeah. And also, there’s nothing to kill the spice in the bedroom, more than a lot of relationship tension. And, you know, when if you have parents living with you or young kids and you know the financial concerns, there’s a lot going on. Not to mention, of course, during this time with covid and natural disasters everywhere.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:03:28] And, you know, the tension is high and that certainly affects what’s going on in the bedroom and can also lead to anxiety, depression, burnout, which really affects things.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:03:40] Yeah, definitely. And the sexless marriage. Sex itself isn’t the issue. You know, sex represents a relationship. And this means regarding trust and vulnerability, safety, hurt feelings, feeling emotionally supported and feeling desired. So all of these are big topics that we hear about, that we hear you and feel that this is an issue. And so I think we’re going to just dig right into some of these talking points.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:04:09] So I think the first thing that’s really helpful is to kind of assess what the sex mean to you and to have a conversation with your partner and communicate about your sex life in an honest way. And that really means kind of going to your value system. What is sex actually mean to you both? For some, it might feel like that’s the way that you get emotional intimacy met and other people, you know, it might just be a fun thing to blow off steam. So, you know, to really help you each understand what needs you, each need to meet in the other. You know what that needs to look like.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:04:49] Yeah. And what was sex like before you were in this phase? Right. So what was sex like before that squeeze came into your life? And to talk openly and honestly with each other and this can be uncomfortable, you know. I’ve worked with couples who have been married for decades, and it can still be a very uncomfortable subject to broach, but it is important because you want to open that door to intimacy and maybe you need to hire sex therapy coach or some guidance or read some self-help books. We’re never too old to learn new tricks, you know, Cris.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:05:24] That is for sure. And, you know, I think it’s just taking that leap of faith, which can be really hard, like you said, no matter how long you’ve been married to open up and become vulnerable in that way and to really talk about how your sexual needs have been met or how maybe they haven’t been met in the past. And you know what that’s looking like right now.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:05:44] And again, you know, if there’s things that need to be repaired, you know, it’s there can be a really big interruption in terms of a lack of connection or intimacy or maybe there’s been past betrayals or ruptures of trust. And those things, you know, are the first talking points. I mean, sex flows from being safe and being able to trust your partner. And if there are issues there, those really need to be tackled first.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:06:17] Yeah, and you know it wouldn’t be a surprise if there is a lack of connection, especially for our listeners who have their parents who are living in the house with them and they also have small children. It’s hard to find that connection when there’s lots of ears in the house and it’s not as relaxing and easy going to carve out that time.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:06:41] When you’re back to the tie on the doorknob.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:06:43] Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And, you know, absolutely, like sex drives, beliefs, and the motivation that we were referring to…that fluctuates naturally over the years. You know, there’s going to be highs and lows. Oftentimes that coincides with beginning or ends of relationships or with major life changes. And, obviously, major life changes are these changes of this caregiving phase of life. And the fatigue, oh Cris, the fatigue that comes with it.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:07:11] Yeah, you know, it’s about being honest. I mean, I think it really comes down to vulnerability and really being able to kind of put it out there to your partner and say, you know, this is how I’m feeling. This is what I’m wishing for. This is how I have felt in the past. Could we try this? Could we try that? And to be honest, maybe it’s you know, I’m too tired. I’m too stressed. You know, I’ve got Dad next door or, you know, like the kids keep running in or I can’t concentrate on anything because I’m thinking of my to do list, you know, to just be honest and build that empathy and compassion within each other that can create a spark all by itself.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:07:55] Yeah, definitely. And I know there’s some resistance oftentimes when I talk to clients about this, but sometimes, it is important to schedule it. It sounds, I know, long gone are the days when it used to be just so spontaneous. It doesn’t sound as fun, but it’s the reality, you know, and it really is about the time of connection. It’s about the time that you guys have to kind of get back as partners, as two intimate lovers and not caregiving, stress, everything that kind of goes along with it. So, I often do recommend, like, is there a point in your week and for some others, maybe numerous points in your week, good for you, but that you can schedule it? And I know I get pushed back all the time, like, we don’t want to schedule it. We want it to be like it was when we were in our twenties. But the reality is sometimes we have to roll with the changes.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:08:52] Totally, and of course, while we’re on lockdown in quarantine, that’s all the more challenging.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:08:57] It’s really important also to look at sex drive in terms of age and to have some acknowledgement and some kind of self forgiveness of where we all are at this age. That sex drive really decreases in this sandwich generation age and women are actually two to three times more likely to be affected by a decline in sex drive as they age. So, you know, I think looking at that and kind of figuring out how else can you drive that intimacy, how can you come to an agreement on if you’re just not feeling it? But, you know, your partner does have some needs that need to be met. How can you compromise? How can you figure that out? Some nights are cuddling, some nights are more, you know, to just kind of figure out something that also honors where you are in your sex drive, which really, of course, brings up perimenopause and menopause.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:09:58] Yeah, absolutely. I definitely want to go there. One thing I was thinking about and that I sometimes talk with some clients about, too, is the importance of non sexual touch. So in other words, we have to turn to our partner at times and not be in the position that every time we reach out for a hug or putting our hand on them, that that means that we want to jump in the sack. Because I think that puts pressure on the person who is trying to get the energy back and trying to get the mojo back into the relationship.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:10:32] Yeah. And then that can really be a barrier to intimacy. If one person thinks that any time they give a hug or any sort of physical touch, that then they have an obligation to see it through that can really keep that person away from offering that. And then that kind of just builds on itself. And is is a negative prophecy, right?

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:10:52] Yeah, yeah. No, absolutely. And I know that you mentioned menopause and the menopause transition it’s huge, right. For people in their…oftentimes… 40s and 50s and the physical effects that kind of go with that falling estrogen level. And that includes the hot flashes and the night sweats and the vaginal dryness. And, you know, this can really undermine the sexual motivation and drive. And though the age related decrease, although this isn’t related to menopause necessarily, the age related decrease in testosterone may also reduce that desire in the midlife woman, as the hormones play a role in sex drive and sexual sensation and everything else. And I think it’s important, I know that we had talked about, too, that obviously the advice that we’re giving today we always recommend to make sure that we aren’t giving any medical advice and to make sure that you go to your medical/primary care physician if things come up and you need to talk about any physical changes.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:11:51] Yeah. And I you know, I think it’s not just women. I mean, I think men also really experience hormonal shifts at this age, which, you know, all of these changes can be really confusing for people who had a really strong sex drive or for somebody who didn’t, and maybe the hormones are pushing them in the other direction. You know, and now all of a sudden they have a stronger sex drive. And when the two sex drives aren’t aligned, you know, that that’s obviously when when the issues come. So just coming back to communication. And I think as women, you know, perimenopause is really, again, feels really taboo and isn’t often talked about. And so it might not even be acknowledged within the self of like there are real changes going on, real physical, emotional, mental changes at this time. And that affects everything.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:12:44] And so I think to be able to acknowledge that within yourself and, you know, then to communicate to your partner to kind of depersonalize the whole experience and then make it safe for sharing in both directions that like, you know, this is where I am and this is the changes that I’m experiencing in my body. And it’s so weird and it’s so hard. And I don’t know what to do or how to even communicate it with you, because from one minute to a next, you know, these hormonal shifts can change. You know, you can be like the last thing you feel like doing is connecting in a sexual way when you’re having night sweats or feel these surges of anger or just crying fits or anything that comes with these these hormonal changes.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:13:28] Yeah, exactly. And I loved how you said that. Sharing bilaterally to each other, going back and forth in that safe space. You said that so well, because I think that really is why we’re talking about this today, right. When we’re talking about sex and connecting with our partner, that is one of the most important things, is like, do you feel safe? Can you talk about these things that are vulnerable? You know, and it’s hard. I mean, it can be hard. Aging is hard. And you and I talk about this all the time. You know, it’s like, yeah. Do we long sometimes, you know, to be 18 again? Maybe. Yeah. You know, there were some perks to that. And so we have to not only embrace the changes within us and in our body, but also the changes in the relationship. And so to have that safe space, like you said, that’s key.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:14:14] It is key and it’s a moving target, you know. So I think if you don’t have it right now, it doesn’t mean you can’t get it. If you used to have it and now you don’t think about small requests or extensions to connect that you can make and that’s something that that can be built. You know, I think when you add in the caregiving like we’re talking about here, that just really takes a toll on any romantic relationship. I mean, your priorities quickly change. You can get overwhelmed. You can you know, you’re focusing on so many different things. You can inadvertently cause your partner or spouse to feel neglected and forgotten. So I think, you know, just kind of putting it all on the table so that your relationship doesn’t get lost or neglected along the way is really important. And also just kind of release another burden, you know, as the squeeze here is so much about taking pressure and responsibility on your shoulders. And if you can just kind of put that to the side and just have like a mea culpa conversation with your partner of like, this is how I’m feeling. This is where it is. Let’s just kind of laugh and laugh about it, cry about it, get angry at it. Like some of this is out of your control and kind of connect as humans on that level. You know, that can that can go a long way to at least feel united in the fight here.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:15:48] Alrighty, it’s time for our Halftime Show where we answer an audience question, so here we go. Denise asked us, “My Dad is seventy seven, doesn’t seem interested in his hobbies anymore and is becoming more anxious and irrational recently, which really isn’t like him. It’s hard on my Mom and I find myself not wanting to spend time with him. I have suggested therapy to him, but he refuses. What should I do?” All right, Cris, you want to take this one?

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:16:13] Sure. You know, this could really be a lot of different things. You know, aging, the kind of executive functioning, is one of the first areas of the brain that starts to change. So if his hobbies or something, you know, that necessitated a lot of physical dexterity or, you know, a lot of higher level math problems or something like that, that could be a reason why he is kind of pulling away because there’s he simply can’t do them anymore or they’re more challenging. But something that could also be going on, that could be overlooked here is these could be early signs of dementia and dementia can be hard to assess because oftentimes people try to hide their confusion or aren’t kind of honest about what’s going on. So we wanted to mention a book that could be helpful here. It’s called, “The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementias and Memory Loss” by Mace and Rabins. And this is a good book because it talks a lot about the difference between what normal aging changes looks like and dementia. And it gives a lot of tips to help address the issues and enlist the aid of his doctors.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:17:29] So, you know, it’s important also to remember brain function actually really starts to deteriorate starting around age 40. So, you know, larger picture, as challenging as it can be is to maintain compassion because these changes are beyond any of our control. So to kind of try to begin from that place, even as challenging as we know it can be, can be a good starting point. And, you know, another tip is attending doctor appointments with him could be really helpful. You know, it can be uncomfortable to, or actually not a possibility, to voice your concerns in front of the doctor. You or your dad might not appreciate that, but you could write a note to the doctor with your concerns and just hand it to him. You know, with any changes or concerns that you have. Impaired individuals often don’t realize what’s going on or they might not accurately report to their doctors what’s going on. So, you know, letting the doctor know can give the doctor a clearer picture for whatever care is indicated, such as medication changes or lifestyle modifications.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:18:43] Ok, so we hope that helped, Denise. And if anyone would like to submit a question for our Halftime Show or suggest a future topic, please just head on over to our website at:

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:19:02] Yeah, exactly, because absolutely, I mean, caring for kids, caring for aging parents…that is stress beyond belief, right? It’s so clearly evident in all the research. The caregivers absolutely are at increased risk for depression, health problems, anxiety, substance abuse, and all of these things can affect sexual health. So it only makes sense, that strain also takes a toll on caregivers’ relationships with their significant others. And so that is really important to remember, because clearly, you know, this is one of those subjects that people have to remember. They’re entitled to enjoying themselves on a basic human level, right. It’s like this is why we wanted to talk about this today. It’s a hard subject. It’s not one that’s often talked about, but it’s an important one. And it’s not about necessarily the frequency, you know, at this stage. It’s about the quality of that connection.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:19:57] It really is. And I think, you know, again, going back that any conversation about sex is not only talking about the physical act of sex. And I think that’s an important kind of precursor to lead into the conversation.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:20:11] It kind of puts you both on alert that this is going to be an honest conversation and this is going to be an open conversation where you’re both safe and you can both express. But these are things that affect my sexual desire. And then the other person gets to talk about what affects their sexual desire and then kind of what’s missing, what’s needed, what is desired, what’s the goal. And then you see how you can compromise.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:20:45] Yes, exactly. We are certainly not taking light of the fact that if people are having pretty significant episodes of depression or anxiety, it’s not easy then to say, “Oh yes, and now really one of my priorities is trying to get it on with my partner”. You know, we totally understand and we totally hear that finding that time and energy sometimes feel secondary to those pressures. But it is one of those things that you want to address. You know, that anxiety and that depression, that’s important and in finding time for yourself. So this is much larger than the topic of sex, right, is finding that time for yourself and finding that time also if there are underlying issues that need to be addressed so then you can have that freedom and that fun again.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:21:37] Such a good point. Again, it always starts with you. It always starts from the inside out. You know that we need to, we need to be honest with ourselves about what’s going on within our own bodies, within our own minds, within our own hearts. And some of that will be, you know, maybe maybe somebody needs some outside assistance, you know, like if there is anxiety or depression, we encourage you to see a doctor, you know, explore options. For some that mean might that might mean medication. For others, it could be lifestyle changes, you know, but to be honest and take care of your own mental health.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:22:16] This episode is not at all meant as a pressure, like you said, that you should be having sex. It’s let’s just talk about whether you are, whether you aren’t, where you want to be and why you are where you are to give you kind of that breath and that exhale to really honor yourself as to why you are where you are.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:22:40] Exactly. And to remember what we said earlier too. It fluctuates. That’s important to remember. And I remember certainly when I was taking care of my parents and the kids were smaller, like just thinking, is it ever going to change? Is this what it’s going to be like? But it does. It does change, but it’s very hard to realize that when you’re in the moment. So I think an important thing for us to talk about is strategies, so let’s brainstorm together. What are some strategies to kind of keep that flame going? Or reunited it? And again, Cris and I are talking about re-igniting intimacy and intimacy looks different for a lot of people. And so that depends on your relationship. And that’s what we’re talking about, is having open, honest conversations with your partner.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:23:26] Yeah. And, you know, we get it. Like, you know, we were both just laughing, Di, right? About how funny it was when we were new therapists. You know, dating, having fun, no kids. And we would have clients, you know, who were right knee deep in the Sandwich Generation Squeeze (SGS).

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:23:47] And we were suggesting strategies to them while they were looking at us like we had five heads thinking, “We don’t have time or the mental space or what you’re saying is not possible”. And, you know, you just can’t fully get it until you’re there.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:24:04] So now, we really do get it. We’re knee deep along with you. And so, you know, some strategies, like you said, the number one thing is scheduling. So the first thing, not scheduling for sex, scheduling to talk about sex. And so the first thing is to talk about sex with yourself, you know, to really take the time when you’re lying in bed or taking a shower or journaling, going on a walk to really reflect on what we talked about here in what is sex mean to you? Are you happy, unhappy with where it is in your relationship? What is your kind of value system around sex that goes back way before you were married? What does it mean to you and where do you want it to be? And then the next thing is scheduling that exact same conversation with your spouse or your partner.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:24:58] Right, exactly. This can be a hard part of that, right. Is really going into that conversation with an openness because you might not be on the same page. And how do you have a conversation where, you know, you’re not feeling judged? That’s important. Just like you were saying earlier, it’s very vulnerable. Of course it is. You know, and if we are in a place that maybe, I don’t know, we want to have it different, maybe we want to have more connection, but we simply do not have the time. You just don’t have the time. You don’t have the energy. It kind of goes back to that list that we read earlier. The privacy and finding it hard to switch from the mode from caregiver to lover. And so after you have that conversation with yourself, which is an excellent point, my partner in crime over there in the West Coast, I think it is so important to have that conversation with your partner and just go into it with an openness and a clarity, but also in a compassionate way. Don’t judge yourself or your partner, hopefully.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:26:11] Yeah. And I think, you know, a tool that I like to use, to suggest, is writing things down. It can it can plain just not feel safe or comfortable to have this conversation out loud with your partner for whatever reason. And so a great tool can be writing it down, you know, writing a letter to each other or writing some points down to yourself and then switch them, hand each other your papers and read them in privacy and agree on a date in a week. So you each have time to process and you’re not sitting there in the reactive moment and then come back together and talk about it and just take one point at a time. And then it’s kind of externalized. It doesn’t feel as threatening or rejecting or attacking or hurtful or whatever the issue may be. It’s a little bit more externalized. So you can work through it together, almost like let’s work on this topic out here that’s outside of us. And tackle it as a team.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: [00:27:11] Exactly. And another thing that I remember that my husband and I would do all the time is that often times at night I was exhausted. I was exhausted after taking care of my parents who lived with us and the three kids. So our time that we carved out was in the morning, actually. So we would call it our coffee time. And it was one of those things that we would have maybe a half an hour, that we would get our coffee and the kids were occupied and make sure my parents were set. And we would go back upstairs and we would talk about our days and what it looked like and try not to talk about agenda setting, but that would be oftentimes the only time that we would connect. So it would lead into that. But the bottom line with that was it was still those few extra minutes just with us. With nobody kind of interrupting. And I know I can hear our listeners now like, “Yeah, right, how is that going to happen?” But if you can time it, you know, there were some times where we would get up a little bit earlier, but for us that was worth it because I knew by the end of the night there was no way I wanted to sit and chat after taking care of five people.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:28:18] Yeah, really important. And the joy of electronics, you know, where you can occupy people for a little bit. But that connection is really important. And again, I think let’s talk about sex is really let’s talk about connection, because it doesn’t actually need to be the act of sex.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: [00:28:37] But it’s the connecting. It’s the moment of intimacy, because for a lot of people, that’s where it has to start. And so that it may or may not lead into sex. But, you know, the key is just finding those moments to re-ignite the interest in connecting with this person. You brought up a good point there of taking the time to maybe, you know, get up a little earlier or do something that represents what your priorities are. Because in that conversation, you guys had, you know, when you addressed it with yourself, then you addressed it with your partner, you’re coming up with agreements. And so you’re basically coming up with kind of a mission statement for your relationship in terms of intimacy. And if you guys have agreed that that’s a priority, then you have to agree on steps to take in order to meet that. And that might look like waking up early or having a safe word of, you know, you’re kind of going off track of what we agreed here. Yeah, we’re snuggling right now. And now you’re you’re making advances that you want to have it go to sex. And we agreed that wasn’t going to happen. So you have a little safeword or something that you guys have agreed on that says kind of time out, let’s step back.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD:That’s right, because you never know what page you both are going to be on, and maybe you don’t need that safe word, and it turns into a little roll in the hay, and something you didn’t expect and hey, good for you. But again, sometimes when I am talking with clients, one of the activities I suggest is a non-sexual massage. That means there is no going to sex, it is a guarantee, everyone can relax. Sometimes I’ve heard through the years people saying, “Well, you know, the only time my partner puts their hand on me I know they want sex and that just makes me want to pull away”. So one of those exercises, maybe that strategy, to reconnect is, you know, it may be nice to be touched by your partner but maybe it is a shoulder rub and that is where it will end and both people agree to that. Again, it’s about talking and being on the same page. That is what Cris and I are advocating today. Sex is much larger than the act itself, it is about the connection, it is about the intimacy, it is about your relationship with your partner.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: Yeah, I think you said something really critical there. Agreeing that when something is open-ended, let happen what is going to happen and other times, when there is a guarantee this is not going to go into sex so both partners can feel safe. The bottom line is usually when there is some kind of rupture, there is an issue around safety, or trust, or confidence, so to take that off the table. And, you know, when you are saying sensual massages that end before sex, like you said, or a date night where the kids are in the other room watching a movie, they got popcorn, they are set. You know, Mom and Dad are going to have a special date night, candles, even if it is just pizza or Ramen, but setting the tome where it is just about the connection with your partner. Or a long walk together.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: I love the walk together, especially now during Covid. Put on your mask, feel the…well, I guess Cris and I were talking about too about the different coast because it depends on where you are living how the air quality is. But if you can, that movement, I think is a really healthy addition.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: Yeah, I mean we are going through some crazy fires and air here, but in general, totally agree. Long walks together or like you said, just snuggling in bed before the kids barge in or you need to check-in on your parents. Whatever comes next, it is about finding moments. Again, I go back to writing, I personally like to write a lot. So maybe it is writing a little note for your partner. Again, it comes back to the love languages. You know, what makes your partner feels care for and communicating what makes you feel care for. And starting there, without the pressure to leading to sex. You know maybe that is saying a thank you if that person likes to be appreciated, or lifting something for the person if they can’t. Just showing different ways, leaving little notes, taking steps to forge that connection.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, Psy.D: Absolutely, it’s about being a team, right.
Cris Roskelley, LMFT: Yeah, I think it is such an important topic.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: Imagine what you could do if dinner showed up at your door, and all you had to do was zap it for 3 mins and then a healthy dinner was on the table for your family? No chopping, thawing, or standing over a hot stove. What would you do with all of that free time? You could take a bath, call your aging parent, have a present moment with your kids, or just stare at the wall.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: To get a special promo for our Squeezers, just follow the link in our show notes to let Freshly know that we sent you and to help support our show.

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: Alrighty.

Cris Roskelley, LMFT: So that is it for today. Thanks for listening to Sandwich Generation Squeeze (SGS). Please share us with your friends, and it would be great if you would rate and review the show on Apple which helps new listeners find us. If you’d like to submit a question for our halftime show or suggest a future topic, just head on over to our website at Be sure to tune in to next week’s topic… EASE THE SQUEEZE FOR THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON. Bye for now!

Dianne Kraaijvanger, PsyD: Bye for now! I am looking forward to that one!

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